I tell you the truth, I’m trying to maintain my cuteness in my last years. I’m not out here trying to raise cane or make no waves about shit no more. I’m good and settled on the idea of making sure I’m smiling when I feel like shit and all the other essentials women folk did back in the day. The way I figure, if I act a certain way and start wearing stockings the way women did when women acted like real women, I’ll attract the kind of man that’ll be all good with me staying home to write or whatever I feel like.
There was a time I was down for the feminist cause ’til I started to really pay attention to the way those women looked once they hit forty. I’m right sho’ there are some pretty ones out there but the media don’t do too good a job of putting a camera on them. The ones I tend to see look like they’ve had a facial with Hard Times, where holding up them picket signs has worn them plum out. I know they don’t do it a whole lot now but it seems when they were out there hollering in the streets, braless and unshaven, it was always a scorcher. Plus, I don’t like the closeness of being in a crowd, ’cause I tell you, I have a tendency to sniff folk and I don’t want my perspective to change on account of folk smelling ripe.
Another cause for me retiring my feminism is my imagining these women folk at home walking around in wife-beaters, cut-off jeans and flip flops, while yelling at some scrawny fella in the kitchen wearing an apron with a cigarette dangling from their lips. That was contrasting with my southerness and segregated me from the parasol-like women I was working toward being like. There’s just a hardness to them and to be truthful, they’re high maintenance. Every time you turn around, they’re demanding shit and the more they get, the less men folk wanna do. Looks like some men have gotten to a place where they just don’t know what the hell to do, actually.
These type women have really become a thorn in my damn side. Because I still have these remnants of feminism in my psyche, I’m just gonna blame them for my singlehood, no matter if I don’t care about wedding up with somebody. I’m blaming them for me having to take out the trash.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
Hahaha, what’s with you and women this week, Tots?
Sorry you have to take out your own trash but you know that having a man doesn’t guarantee that he’ll want to do it.
You need a man who’ll be able to relate to Totsy, the feminine feminist and who’ll love you enough to say, Honey, I want you to stay home and play with words. When you find him, let me know if he had a brother!
What’s up with me & my own gender this week?…Hmmm…
Leave It to Beaver’s mom didn’t take out the trash in her puff dresses and heels, so I wouldn’t have to either. We’d have premarital counseling and he’d know his role
It wouldn’t be about what he wanted to do but what he had to do 
Yeah, I’d let you know if I ran into one and turn you on to his brother. That way you wouldn’t have to take out your trash either
Totsy, my husband takes out the trash with happiness. I take care of him in other ways. You are on the right track honey.
)
That’s one job that I’d gladly relinquish — taking out the trash. Why can’t this stuff just take itself out or, better yet, just disappear!
Okay, Lady, you’re on. And if I find one, I’ll make sure he has a brother for you! Of course, he’d have to be cool with you keeping your name too, right?
Oooh, you have a memory like an elephant, I see. If his name is unique, I can go with his but if not, I hope he’s secure enough to recognize that it’s only a name
People are only capable of so much before they short circuit…and God knows we are all being pushed to the brink of gender reflex right now. It takes a while to become comfortable in your skin. I suppose what we are witnessing is the breakdown of the dream, but damn, some of those feminist sure took a hit for the team!
Yeah, the dream has been snuffed out. Gone are the days of cucumber facials and the only work for women was pushing a Hoover vacuum cleaner
Yeah… As a housewife, I was still in charge of taking out the trash…and all sortsa crap I hated. But it was a tradeoff because I was able to take naps here and there, read a lot, spend time with the kids at home. Life is a tradeoff. No sense in longing for what you don’t have, cause once you get that, you’ll have to make do with the resulting downsides that accompany it.
Okay, how about if I skip out on the naps and hubby took out the trash
lol!
I wish I was a feminist, but first my Soviet society made me an equal with men and had me work there for 8 hours, not realizing that I also had to come home and work there for the remaining of the day, barely leaving any time for me to be or act like a lady. When I came to USA I had to make a leaving and so I am working non-stop for the past 20 years, while raising 2 kids, when it will be my time to be a feminist?
See, this is the very thing I’m talking about. You’re overworked. If you don’t have time to sit in the house looking pretty for your own self, you’re already a feminist. Your government made it so
I dated a man in DC once who refused to introduce me to his friends since I was so conservative. Yet, he told me he is confused since I was the quintessential feminist. I told him that I was independent because I was a single mother by necessity only. Sigh! Could not win. Glad he went away.
Yeah, I just bet he was confused. Poor thing. He’s probably walking in some woman;s kitchen with an apron on now
I may have encountered a little discrimination as a female physicist in the 70′s, but I’ve never really regretted my decision to go it alone, even if I am hauling my own trash to the transfer station at 70. (We don’t have trash pickup.) A mailbox less than a tenth of mile away is my wish, especially when it’s forty below.
You’ve worked too hard to keep doing that but I certainly respect the mind of a physicist and person of 70. If you want to keep taking it out, I won’t object, Ms Bowling
Thanks for stopping by.
““Omg, your posts craaaaack me up & make me say “UMMM”…and I am beginning to wonder if you like to stir up a bit of controversy, girlfriend!—–What is a true feminist anyhow??
To me…she is a woman who can stand on her own, make her own choices…and if that means stayin’ home in flip flops and makin’ chocolate chip cookies…that’s a feminist.
Or walking with a picket sign all braless being pro-active…that’s a feminist. Or working outside the home bringing home the bacan…that’s a feminist.
Or writing blogs all day bitching about this and that…that’s a feminist.
BTW…… I’d rather take out my own trash than be with some asshole that is controlling & yuuuky.
No controversy, Ms Kim. I’m just an ole southern girl from down the way trying to living the simple life. I do question the male roles on account of I find it real hard to see men as men when they are house-husbands taking the kids on playdates. That’s some feminine shit to me.
But yeah, all those things you listed are feminists. It’s all about how you define it and I’m took it from an extremist point of view.
Now you, I know you’re all that and a chocolate chip cookie, with pink icing on top
(wink, wink)
Lol, I am a southern lady and downright enjoy it. Men will be men and women will be women. Men are very physical, that is they are attracted to certain things on a woman, be it face, ass, tits, legs, you get my drift.
Now, you have to act a certain way, feminine. Of course, I found this out later in my life. I was just going to be me!! I did catch a few guys, but they were not like the hound dogs sniffing around now. Lots of them sniffing, too. I lost weight, started wearing bright colors, and put on some mascara, not the eyeshadow mess, just the liner. Started smiling more and dancing. I had a line up of hound dogs. My daughter used to call me player player and always called me to hear the latest. I would give her a good laugh. Now that I have settled for my knight in shining amour, that heifer said that I am boring!! LOL, I am having fun being a lady and enjoying my knight!!!!
Well Ms Carolyn, you bat those eyes and shake your hips to left and right and all that. Your playa days ain’t over yet. LOL!!!
Wait a minute (hand to the ear), did I just hear some cards shufflin’?
Oh my goodness… now this was a little too funny. LoL on that looking old at 40 part…oh man that was too funny. But I already done told you I’m old school at heart, so I probably don’t have to tell you I was not very happy when the feminist movement first came out. I wished I had known you then, cause I probably would have snatched you back by the collar and told you there was men out there still struggling! Now look at what happened! They got all of us on the line working around the clock and we still have to take care of the home and kids! Girl, you know I’ma mad as hell sista right about now!!!!!! LOL. Thanks for the laugh though.
So, you’ve got a husband and a job? That’s two of many jobs you’ve got as a woman right there
T- I like the tone of the this piece, whimsy but serious. I agree with both Annie and Kim here.. we women are being twisted and pushed and prodded to be all things, thus the gumby in all of us. It always surprises me how we (the collective universe of human beings)tend to do everything in excess. We fight for our rights but we don’t just stop there, we mow the forest down in the process. Personally, I don’t have enough time to be passionate about everything there is to care about. At this stage in my life what matters to me is being creative, meeting other like minded artists.
Thanks, Brenda.
I know what you mean about honing in on your writing. The brain can only deal with so much at once.
Totsy, I’m going to join the ranks of Annie, Kim, and Brenda. Having a man is no guarantee that trash will be taken out. Heck, I live with two and I have to threaten, blackmail, and bribe for it to get taken out. Being a firm believer of female empowerment, I find feminists are far from being high maintenance. Unless you mean demanding we have the same rights and opportunities as our male counterparts. The sisterhood will never prosper until women realize that united we stand, divided we fall. Now if we could only develop the technique men are so adapt at–bonding! Then we could support each other in all our endeavors and not have to worry whether we have a man backing us up or not!
Two males and the trash still isn’t getting taken out? Time for some re-training
I may be reading too much into your ‘adapt at bonding’ statement. I’m going to assume you mean being more expressive and that really depends on the guy. If that’s what you mean, I’m not into all that. Men bond in their own way and we have to let them do that or learn through other men, not women. A woman tackling that, to me, is like her trying to teach a boy how to stand up to pee.
Everything in life really is a tradeoff. You can support women’s rights and while still choosing to stay at home and raise a family. I think sometimes labels that should help us classify like ideas only hinder or confuse.
Still trying to figure out what tradeoffs will fit well with me.
I’m all for equal rights, but I’m old fashioned too. Old fashioned in the sense that I’m totally cool with the guy (as long as he’s good and not a total control freak) being in charge of most of the the ‘stuff’ in our lives. I’m ok with ‘traditional’ roles (even though I’m still struggling with learning how/liking to cook). Compared to my friends I’m a bit backwards I guess you could say. Not really that independent. I just hope that when/if I do finally find myself in a relationship that I won’t be clingy. Clingy GF’s piss me off to no end and I’m not even a guy!
I’m with you on all points. GFs can be possessive. I don’t like being controlled because I’m not a TV remote. I think there has been some gender roles switches, the reason for my post and I really do think we don’t know what’s what, in some cases.
Yeah, I’m not down with cooking myself but if I can stay home, the internet would be a good place for me to learn to be better. I really don’t think I’ll ever like it. Takes too much time from what I like doing
I know what you mean! I’d rather be reading (books, blogs, online fiction/fanfiction), or watching tv/movies or something than cooking. But last night I cooked for everyone (my family just got here for their 3 week vacation) and both my parents liked it. That in itself is something to insert a little inspiration towards my cooking goals.