I said it and I’m not straddling the fence on it either. There are two very important things that factor into my decision. I can hear you now, thinking, ‘She’s one of them ole school, backward southerners and can’t talk right no how. I ain’t listening to shit she gotta say.’ But I beg the damn differ, folks. I implore you to listen ’cause we’ll be in a heap-pile of more trouble should a woman get to swishing her ass around in that oval office. My two reasons? Periods and menopause.
Hold on now. Get your fist outta my throat and hear me out.
I’ve been around y’all and yeah, I’m a woman too and all but that don’t mean shit to me. I’m just as concerned about the national debt and all this other shit we’re knee-deep in. And I don’t care what you say, a woman is a woman is a damn woman. Period. This brings me to my first point of concern.
You know, and I got some men folk that can back me up on this here, but a woman’s either like a demon in a race car or a chance of rain one minute or hail the next during that time of month. There’s no damn telling what could or couldn’t happen and I ain’t throwing away my vote pretending all her degrees and experiences will make the difference between her and me. Plus, women folk catty as hell. If you’ve ever had a woman boss, you know exactly where I’m coming from. And you can be in denial all you want and say the one you had was the best thing since your last orgasm, the point is, it’s all temporary and you just won’t get that good feeling all the time.
I’ve heard of some women menopausing for ten damn years! You think nothing’s gonna trickle down to us having some menopausing heifer with a shoe fettish in that White House, you’ve got another damn think coming! Remember during the last election, when Hilary boo-hooed them ugly tears? The media played it up real good, talking about how compassionate she was. Don’t believe the hype, folks. She was having a hot flash and crying out of nowhere comes with all that. Come the next day, she was all good and shit. Even got a little cocky ’cause she thought that crying gave her an edge. Ain’t nothing worse than dealing with a woman who can cry out of no damn where and know this is the power she holds over somebody. That can be one conniving heifer, ’cause I’m telling you straight the hell up. I have done it to get out traffic tickets, to get what I wanted in some store or just didn’t want to be damn bothered with somebody. I was on to Hilary’s little game from the jump.
And I’m just gonna have a to take a deep breath and let it out on any other prospects out there. I mean, Palin still gets her period, so that explains it all. If I absolutely had to pick a woman, I’d choose Ellen or Oprah. I figure, at least Ellen’s in touch with who she is right now. I can only imagine with all the laws changing and with a black man in office, gay folk will eventually make it there too. What a parade that’ll wind up being but I’ll leave somebody else to blog about that. And Oprah would be good on account of her liking to give away stuff. Even though I’ve never benefited from her favorite shit list, at least other folk have. We’d just have to work on her crying in public ’cause I’ve sat on my sofa too many times and watched her break out into the Oprah Ugly Cry. She ain’t right for that.
Other than them two, I can’t imagine anybody else. And since I’ve at least compromised on a couple prospects, I definitely wouldn’t want them having a woman VP. I have to be real about it. I’d hate to imagine two women folk on their periods at the same time, trying to run the damn country when the most important thing is to satisfy that craving for chocolate.