I know you’re good and familiar with the ole saying ‘An idle mind is the devil’s playground.’ Totsy knows that all too well, folks ’cause I’ve occasioned it several times myself and since most of us have peripheral vision, I’m 99 point 99 percent sure other folk have too. It’s just human nature. I took a mythology class some years back and there was this little story the professor shared on that garden in Eden. So the story goes that God gave Adam and Eve the lowdown on not eating from that special tree. You know, the one that makes them know good and bad, where Eve sweet talked that Adam into eating the fruit ’cause she was so fine and all, he couldn’t think ’cause of her nakedness and eventually caused mankind to work, women folk to have menstrual cycles and labor pains, yaddah, yaddah. Well, what a weight man put on one woman, ain’t it? Just didn’t wanna be held accountable, no more than some want to now. But I’m gonna explain it the way that professor told it, and I believe it too, is that God said “Don’t you dare bite into none of them fruit ’cause that tree makes you get into things you ain’t got no business” but ’cause He made folk into His image and knew the nature of the folk He designed, after He gave that so-called warning, God left that garden and winked. Follow me?
Now, one of those playgrounds I was on with the devil a few years back had me entertaining a sex line. I know. Downright shocking, ain’t it? But like my sister’s hair weave selling business never saw a profit, neither did my sex line. Now, I had a decent little job but I was trying to establish myself multiple incomes. Since I had a second phone line in place, I figure I could get men folk to call in, sex them up real good and run up their phone bill to my benefit. I mean, hell, they were gonna make that call to somebody, why not Totsy.
Okay, I made all my little contacts this woman tells me to in order to get my little business up and running. I follow her directions, thinking of the all the money that’ll be rolling into my account. I even made arrangements with my sister to contract her out ’cause she’s got a good phone voice. That way, we can do this here thing at least 18 of the 24 hours we have in a day. Hell, put her to work so she can raise her up some cash too. I’m all about looking out, you know. Who knows, I could rent out me a room in a sleazy motel and set up shop with a small staff of filthy-mouthed women folk talking to these men who act like they can’t be satisfied no other way than to make a phone call. I was thinking big and into the future.
So, I get it good and set up and when I call that woman back to let her know 1-800-Hot-Totsy was ready to take that first phone call, her damn line was dis damn connected! I’m like, what the fu-? You could’ve thrown a hot rock at me and I wouldn’t have felt a thing. There I was, back to looking at the same ole money I always saw coming in, without all that extra I was looking forward to. But more than that, I felt like a damn fool, y’all. I sat down tapping my fingers on my little kitchen table, God sitting across from me shaking his head, “Totsy, Totsy, Totsy,” while the devil sat to my left laughing his ass off.
It really doesn’t pay to entertain the devil, folks. More often than not, for me anyway, that shit bites me in the ass sooner than later. I can’t rightly say why I was reflecting on that enough to sit here and tell you about it but now that I think on it, I wonder what the hell I would’ve told those men and had my little enterprise gone according to plan, if I’d look back on it with shame or pride. I guess that’s one answer I’ll never know and you know what? I”m pretty satisfied about that. And I want you to know, here at Totsymae’s, you don’t have to be shame about that conversation you’ve had with that ole devil. He (which now, by the way, is highly debatable that Michael the angel, who was cast out of heaven, was in fact a male since he also liked to be called Michelle) is always looking for so-called friends to get next to. What such conversations have you entertained or am I in this alone? Share your testimony and I’ll ring you up for 5.99 on the way out.
I'm an artist who's writing,mothering, blogging and doing a few other things under the sun. I buy toilet paper 99.9% of every trip I make to the grocery store. I'm a people watcher, so I know you're here but drop me a line anyway.
I don’t know if 1-800-Hot-Totsy would have flown, but this blog sure did. Love the idea of you setting up shop with a sex line. Look at the politicians (and others) you could entertain! Funny stuff.
On the contrary, Annie. I called the number after posting and guess what? It’s a valid number for just the thing I was enterprising on. I just should’ve followed through on my dream, huh?
I have heard that wink wink story too…has such relevance to my WIP. Very entertaining post! Are you joining us for Row80?
Thank you and yes, I have taken on the challenge at ROW80. I just discovered on To Write Is To Write’s blog this morning.
Well great to have you, and good luck with your Round 3 goals!
—God sitting across from me shaking his head, “Totsy, Totsy, Totsy,” while the devil sat to my left laughing his ass off.
Greeeeat Line.
Thanks for the giggle Hot Totsy
xx
Thanks, Kim.
I just got a tweet from somebody and she said she tried it too! So funny. Matter of fact, my little business went straight into the red by getting that phone line set up :-0
Funny and smart as always. Thanks for the chuckles.
Thanks and you’re welcome. I’m shaking my head at myself now
Holly, Molly girl, I have so much learn from you! What other interesting stories about yourself you will share? I can’t wait to read them.
Stick around, my Russian girlfriend!
Hahahahaha!!! This is a funny story. It is true, right?
I went through a period – could have been after I read Maya Angelou’s biography or maybe it was when I started reading Penthouse regularly (for the stories, you understand) — when I was going to be the madam of this very exclusive brothel. You know, very chichi, very high-end. I had it all figured out in my head. Never got round to getting the place or a phone number.
Love your story, Totsy. Glad I’m not the only one!
Marcia
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
Oh yes, it’s true. I raise my right hand. I feel so much better this is off my chest and we’re a part of the same circle
Love the imagery of God shaking his head and the devil laughing. You would have been really good at that 1-800 gig. I can tell.
Thanks for visiting.
Yeah, I had a little run-in with the Main Man but it’s all good now,
Good at the sex line? Making me rethink the the “all good” thing :=)
You had me at the first line but I had to wait the entire day to read – meetings non stop.. The two beings side by side is vivid and life like in your words, as if i felt teh shake of God’s head creating a breeze and the cackle of the Devils dark voice. Smiling..
Lotsa people like that little table scene with God, the devil and me. Just Him saying my name the way He did was punishment enough.
No confessions, Totsy mae, but a bellyful of laughs! I’m a preacher’s son, so I better not say too much–the ‘church’ has ears!
I understand. but if it made you laugh, good. Oh yes, the church does. They’ll forgive me, I think. I hope
Awl Tots, to tell the truth I’m not so sure if this is more embarrassing than say… something like blowing a speech, or let’s say singing off tune…LOUD… before a nice big Sunday morning congregation. Not when it’s all called embarrassment.
And yes, you’ve been forgiven. Why we all now get to enjoy such entertaining posts!
No embarrassment here, girlfriend. And then, like you say, I get to entertain a bit.
I couldn’t stop laughing, Totsy! You are hilarious.
Oh, I’m glad you laughed. You just wouldn’t believe how serious I was about my new venture.
I had no idea you were such an entrepreneur, Totsy! Fun post! (And sorry about stealing your #.)
Oh, yeah. It’s okay about the number. Maybe I can do the psychic thing. So many opportunities to tap into, you know
Super-Duper site! I am loving it! Will come back again – taking you feeds also, Thanks.
Thanks for hanging out. Glad that you enjoyed the site.
LMAO! Such a great story!
You would have coined it Totsymae, you have the gift of the gab, although you may have had to curb that wicked sense of the ludicrous – this is a fabulous off-centre post, cheers catchul8r molly