I know you’re good and familiar with the ole saying ‘An idle mind is the devil’s playground.’ Totsy knows that all too well, folks ’cause I’ve occasioned it several times myself and since most of us have peripheral vision, I’m 99 point 99 percent sure other folk have too. It’s just human nature. I took a mythology class some years back and there was this little story the professor shared on that garden in Eden. So the story goes that God gave Adam and Eve the lowdown on not eating from that special tree. You know, the one that makes them know good and bad, where Eve sweet talked that Adam into eating the fruit ’cause she was so fine and all, he couldn’t think ’cause of her nakedness and eventually caused mankind to work, women folk to have menstrual cycles and labor pains, yaddah, yaddah. Well, what a weight man put on one woman, ain’t it? Just didn’t wanna be held accountable, no more than some want to now. But I’m gonna explain it the way that professor told it, and I believe it too, is that God said “Don’t you dare bite into none of them fruit ’cause that tree makes you get into things you ain’t got no business” but ’cause He made folk into His image and knew the nature of the folk He designed, after He gave that so-called warning, God left that garden and winked. Follow me?
Now, one of those playgrounds I was on with the devil a few years back had me entertaining a sex line. I know. Downright shocking, ain’t it? But like my sister’s hair weave selling business never saw a profit, neither did my sex line. Now, I had a decent little job but I was trying to establish myself multiple incomes. Since I had a second phone line in place, I figure I could get men folk to call in, sex them up real good and run up their phone bill to my benefit. I mean, hell, they were gonna make that call to somebody, why not Totsy.
Okay, I made all my little contacts this woman tells me to in order to get my little business up and running. I follow her directions, thinking of the all the money that’ll be rolling into my account. I even made arrangements with my sister to contract her out ’cause she’s got a good phone voice. That way, we can do this here thing at least 18 of the 24 hours we have in a day. Hell, put her to work so she can raise her up some cash too. I’m all about looking out, you know. Who knows, I could rent out me a room in a sleazy motel and set up shop with a small staff of filthy-mouthed women folk talking to these men who act like they can’t be satisfied no other way than to make a phone call. I was thinking big and into the future.
So, I get it good and set up and when I call that woman back to let her know 1-800-Hot-Totsy was ready to take that first phone call, her damn line was dis damn connected! I’m like, what the fu-? You could’ve thrown a hot rock at me and I wouldn’t have felt a thing. There I was, back to looking at the same ole money I always saw coming in, without all that extra I was looking forward to. But more than that, I felt like a damn fool, y’all. I sat down tapping my fingers on my little kitchen table, God sitting across from me shaking his head, “Totsy, Totsy, Totsy,” while the devil sat to my left laughing his ass off.
It really doesn’t pay to entertain the devil, folks. More often than not, for me anyway, that shit bites me in the ass sooner than later. I can’t rightly say why I was reflecting on that enough to sit here and tell you about it but now that I think on it, I wonder what the hell I would’ve told those men and had my little enterprise gone according to plan, if I’d look back on it with shame or pride. I guess that’s one answer I’ll never know and you know what? I”m pretty satisfied about that. And I want you to know, here at Totsymae’s, you don’t have to be shame about that conversation you’ve had with that ole devil. He (which now, by the way, is highly debatable that Michael the angel, who was cast out of heaven, was in fact a male since he also liked to be called Michelle) is always looking for so-called friends to get next to. What such conversations have you entertained or am I in this alone? Share your testimony and I’ll ring you up for 5.99 on the way out.